This time last week, I was forcing myself to get out of my bed and my house.
This time week before last I was dealing with a terrible headache and unequal pupils.
The week before that, I had auras and a headache that I thought were migraine or sinus related.
In between these events, I had a headache, unequal pupils, a drooping eyelid and aphasia (I could not string words together to make a solid sentence. The words I thought I was saying, weren’t coming out of my mouth.)
It turns out, what I was experiencing was a spontaneous internal carotid artery dissection on my left side that caused a TIA – a mini stroke. While CAD is the most common cause of stroke in young people, a spontaneous dissection happens in less than 3 people per 100,000.
I went to the ER and was transported to another hospital by ambulance. There they put me in ICU and I was scheduled for an angioplasty of my carotid artery that the doctor explained to me could end in a full blown stroke.
During that procedure, the neurological intervention team decided there was a greater risk of stroke if they did anything and that other collateral vessels were working and changing to supply blood to the affected part of my brain.
Care to guess how I felt about that? Grateful that the Lord was taking care of me of course, but also like a time bomb had been placed in my head. How would I ever do anything besides sit or lay in my bed and hope I didn’t do anything to stroke out?
I asked the doctor what should I be concerned about. If it happened once, could it happen again? Could I run? Have sex? What medications would I have to be on? I hate taking medicine. For a day or so, I hated everything about this. I could feel fear and its ugly cousin anger setting up camp.
I prayed. I listened.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10
Satan’s desire would totally be for me to live in fear and anger. He is the original terrorist. He wants us to feel unsafe. He wants us worry. He wants us to hurt. He wants us to blame God when thing don’t go the way we planned. He can’t rob me of eternal life, but he could certainly rob me of my joy and freedom in this life if I let him.
I will not.
My situation isn’t any different than it was 3 weeks ago, 10 years ago or 47 years ago. I am not promised tomorrow. I am not promised the same health tomorrow that I enjoyed today. Neither are you.
I will choose to live in abundant joy. I will trust that God has a plan and it is a good plan – even when I can’t see it.
Lord, I pray you will bless the person reading this. I pray they will remember that you are an ever present help and that they will trust you. I pray you will help them find joy in their circumstances. I pray you will remind them that this world is temporary. Amen
I hope you all have a great Friday!